My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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