You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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