I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
