Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
