Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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