I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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