I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize