you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
