i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize