You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize