Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
