i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
