Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
