Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
