I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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