i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
