If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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