So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
