Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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