Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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