Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
