apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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