I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
