somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
3 2 1 whiskey
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
