If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
