Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
