I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
