These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
