How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
