Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
