BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
