Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
