yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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