i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
not ubering you a puppy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize