I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
