I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
