Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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