dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
