6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
