You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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