Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
