He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
