My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
