I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
