3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
