How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And then he peed in my hair
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