Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize