I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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