ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you never un-have a 4some
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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