I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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