They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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