you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
