dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
