Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
