Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
