i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
