i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
