Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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