my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
