I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
