Can i not drive my cunt home
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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