Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
