I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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