OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
