brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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