I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
