Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
