Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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