she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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