some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
